


Holic

by jaekey



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Body Worship, Daddy Kink, Daddy!Jaebum, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:30:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekey/pseuds/jaekey
Summary: Fat. Ugly. Useless. Weak. Disgusting.I took a deep breath in, pulling my knees to my chest and leaning slightly against the bed as my eyes welled up, salty tears threatening to escape. I choked back a sob, tears rolling and probably making a mess of my make-up. Staring blankly at the mirror across from where I sat on the floor, I lost track of how much time had passed since I came home and all the negative thoughts that constantly floated in my mind came crashing down on me in a tidal wave of self-hatred and disgust.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“Don’t worry baby, Daddy’s gonna take extra good care of you tonight.”





	Holic

**Author's Note:**

> Pray for me, y'all, I need to go back to church HAHAHA
> 
> Okay but anyway, I am literally tRASH so here we are, 4.3k words of Jaebum body worship daddy kink idek that's literally what I've saved it as on my computer because I couldn't think of a title LOL Yes, so... There's mentions of some kind of body dysmorphia and anxiety and daddy kink (duh) so yeah, don't read if that makes you feel uncomfortable I guess?  
> Also, this is vastly different from my usual writing style but I hope people like it anyway! I write alot, not just fanfiction but short stories sometimes too, and I've never written so much of myself into a character before, so I was hesitating to post this for a while but ayyyyy here we are :x
> 
> OKAY ENJOY THEN!!
> 
> P.S.: Don't even try to tell me Jaebum isn't Daddy af because boiiiiiii I will fite u hahahahaha
> 
> OH ALSO, crossposted to aff, under username jaekey

_Fat. Ugly. Useless. Weak. Disgusting._

I took a deep breath in, pulling my knees to my chest and leaning slightly against the bed as my eyes welled up, salty tears threatening to escape. I choked back a sob, tears rolling and probably making a mess of my make-up. Staring blankly at the mirror across from where I sat on the floor, I lost track of how much time had passed since I came home and all the negative thoughts that constantly floated in my mind came crashing down on me in a tidal wave of self-hatred and disgust.

 

Realistically, I knew my negativity made no sense. I wasn’t overweight, couldn’t even be considered chubby, silhouette toned from 15 years of dance training ranging from ballet to hip-hop to traditional folk dances and everything in between. I had a great relationship with my parents and older sister, an amazing boyfriend and I was in my final year of university studying the course of my dreams. I had a close-knit groups of friends I would trust with my life and I lived in a comfortable apartment in a good neighbourhood.

 

I _knew_ everything about my life was great, but that didn’t do anything to stop the onslaught of self-esteem-crushing thoughts that attacked me on a daily basis. I felt like I was living a lie sometimes, almost as if I was putting on a mask when I was around other people, pretending that I was always happy and confident when the reality was that I couldn’t even look at my reflection without hating everything I saw there.

 

My chest was heaving, heavy sobs escaping my throat as I felt myself getting sucked deeper and deeper into the black hole of negativity I’d somehow psyched into existence.

 

I didn’t even hear the front door being opened, only noticing when it clicked shut and the sound of leather shoes being kicked off echoed through the apartment. Immediately, I forced back a sob, leaning into the bedspread to dry my face.

 

“Babe? You home?”

 

I took a deep breath, shuddering as I tried to get a grip on myself so that he wouldn’t have to see me like this.

 

“Babe, you hungry? I bought- “ Jaebum froze the moment he entered the bedroom.

 

I blinked up at him, smiling slightly and trying to pretend it wasn’t obvious that I was in the middle of a total breakdown.

 

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry. Why don’t you go ahead and eat while I go take a shower?” I was still smiling, but even I could hear how hoarse and unsteady my voice was.

 

“Hey,” Jaebum locked his eyes on mine as he crossed the room and dropped to his knees in front of me, “hey, what’s wrong? What happened?”

 

He took my hands in his, thumbs brushing over angry red crescents where my nails had dug into my skin. His onyx eyes never left mine, gaze achingly soft but also worried and confused.

 

I glanced down at our hands, shivers running up my spine as his fingers brushed lightly across my palms. I inhaled, looking back to his eyes and struggling to keep my crying at bay when I saw the look of pure love and concern on his beautiful face.

 

_How is this possible? How can it be that this man, this Adonis incarnate, could look at me like that? What could he possibly see in me? What could he possibly see in this complete mess of a human being, this sorry excuse of a person? I don’t deserve him, don’t deserve to be shown this kind of love. If he knew the real me, knew how much I hated myself, he would see it and hate me too. He’d realise he could do so much better than this pathetic mess._

The tears started again before I could even try to hold them back. I exhaled sharply, choking slightly when the warmth of Jaebum’s hands left mine.

 

_I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I’m too much to handle, he doesn’t want to deal with this. Now he’s gonna leave so he can be with someone who deserves him and doesn’t-_

My thoughts were interrupted when he cupped my face with his hands, forcing eye contact. My vision was blurry and I was sure I looked like absolute shit, fresh tears mixing with dried streaks from earlier. My eyes were probably bloodshot and my eyeliner and mascara were probably running down my face.

 

“Talk to me, love. Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it, I swear. Who made you cry like this? Do I need to go kill someone?” His voice was soft and so gentle, so full of love that I found myself confessing my inner thoughts for the first time in my life.

 

I gripped his wrists, shifting to cross my legs and then resting our hands where my ankles crossed. I dropped my gaze to our hands, unable to maintain eye contact as I began to voice my self-hatred. I played with his hands absentmindedly, brushing across his fingers and tracing abstract patterns in his palm while I tried to put my thoughts into coherent sentences.

 

“I just… I’m sorry… I’m sorry you have to sit here and deal with me when I’m like this. I’m sorry you’re seeing this, I was trying so hard to hide it from you, but everything came crashing down on me today and I just… I can’t… You deserve so much better than me, Jaebum. Every single time I look in the mirror I see this layer of fat over my stomach and I see the stretchmarks on my ass. I see the shadows under my eyes and that scar below my eyebrow. I see the way my thighs touch and how huge my calves are, I see the three moles on my cheek, how they form a triangle. I step on the weighing scales and I see those numbers and I feel like throwing up, I just feel so sick, so disgusted at myself and I don’t even know why! I don’t know why I hate myself so much and that makes it worse. I just want to be skinny and pretty, Jaebum, I wish I looked like someone to deserved to be with you. I wish I had my shit together, wish I could be comfortable in my own skin instead of faking confidence whenever I go out.” I was breathless by the time I finished, struggling to inhale shakily as I spilled my thoughts.

 

Jaebum stayed silent until I was done, but his hands were tense and when I dared to look up into his eyes again, his eyes flashed with something that almost seemed like anger before they softened and he gripped my elbows, helping me stand up and leading me towards the bathroom. He grabbed a wipe and gently removed my make-up. His touch was so tender it made me want to scream.

 

_Why isn’t he saying anything? What is he thinking? Is he going to think I’m pathetic?_

My mind went into overdrive, but I remained quiet, relaxing into his touch. By now the tears had stopped, but I felt a strange emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I let my eyes wander, drinking in the sight before me. Jaebum’s face was void of any emotion as he wiped my face clean. His beautiful dark eyes focused and unreadable. His fringe was styled up out of his face as usual, jet black locks effortlessly giving off some serious I-woke-up-like-this vibes. I shifted my attention to the multiple earrings that he wore in each ear, remembering how one of the first things we bonded over was our shared love for piercings.

 

He tossed the used wipe into the bin below the sink before reaching one arm around my waist and lifting my chin with his other hand, deep onyx orbs staring straight through to my soul.

 

“I can’t believe I never realised you felt like this. I’m so sorry I never knew babe, I’m so pissed at myself and I feel like a terrible boyfriend right now, but like I said earlier, I’m gonna fix it, okay?” He spoke softly, voice laced with raw emotion.

 

I was about to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but before I could get the words out of my mouth, he leaned down to press his lips against mine. He kissed me tenderly, so different from his usual aggressive and dominating style that I was almost melting there and then. I sighed into the kiss, hooking my arms around his neck and almost whining when he pulled away, only to gasp in surprise when he suddenly scooped me into his arms and carried me, bridal style, back into our bedroom.

 

He laid me down gently, hovering at the edge of the bed as he removed his tie and tossed it off to the side before climbing over me, eyes locked on mine. I shuddered lightly under the sheer intensity of his gaze. He lifted a hand to brush against my cheek and leaned down to close the distance between us once again. I squirmed a little under him, Jaebum was rarely this gentle in bed and I wasn’t used to it.

 

Within seconds I was a moaning mess beneath him and he broke the kiss, breathing slightly uneven and cheeks flushed. His eyes darkened and he swiftly undid the buttons of my blouse, tossing it to the floor where it joined his abandoned tie. He almost smirked when he saw the black lace bra I was wearing.

 

“Hmmm you’re wearing my favourite one today, baby.” His voice was pure sex, and the way he rolled his hips against mine almost had me already seeing stars.

 

My back arched off the mattress and I reached up, making grabby hands at his face.

 

He chuckled lightly before bringing his lips to mine, “So impatient for me, baby,” he whispered, hot breath ghosting against my lips.

 

Moments later, he’d all but ripped my skin-tight jeans off and was unhooking my bra. I gasped at the sudden wave of cool air when that too joined the pile of clothes on the floor. Jaebum was running his hands down my sides and trailing butterfly kisses along my jaw. I could feel the heat radiating from his body and I let out a breathy moan as he nipped the skin just behind my left ear before running his tongue against the row of five piercings I had in that ear.

 

“God, you’re so fucking sexy babe, you don’t even know.” His voice was lower than usual, and raspy as well.

 

I could feel the wetness soaking through my panties as he continued to pepper my face with kisses. I hummed impatiently as he kept his attention on my face, completely ignoring where I really wanted his focus to be.

 

He chuckled again, eyes glinting as he began to shift his attention down south.

 

“Don’t worry baby, Daddy’s gonna take extra good care of you tonight.”

 

His voice alone sent shivers up my spine. Or maybe it was the way he was leaving a trail of kisses down my abdomen while his eyes were once again locked with mine. It was almost as if he had me in a trance and my mind went blank, all that self-hatred silenced as I focused on one thought.

 

_Daddy’s here. Daddy’s gonna take care of me, he’s gonna make me feel good because he loves me. Daddy loves me. Daddy loves me._

 

He stopped when he reached my stomach, placing a tender kiss against the skin right below my belly button.

 

“You’re so perfect, baby. I don’t know what layer of fat you’re talking about, because all I see is perfection. I swear I can even feel abs lurking just beneath the surface! No healthy person has a completely flat stomach babe, and you know your health and happiness is my number one priority.” He kept trailing butterfly kisses across my skin before sitting up slightly and placing one hand flat against my stomach, fingers splayed.

 

“Look, baby, your waist is only one hand-span across! You’re not fat baby, you’re perfect and I love it; I love you.”

 

My eyes fluttered close and my skin tingled everywhere he touched. My breath hitched when I felt his warm breath against my core.

 

“So wet baby, you’re soaking! You’re so wet for Daddy, such a good girl.”

 

In a flash, my panties were off and Jaebum’s strong hands were holding my thighs open. He resumed the trail of kisses down each of my thighs and a mewl escaped my throat when he slapped my inner thigh lightly.

 

“Your thighs and calves are amazing, babe. You think they’re big but it’s all muscle, love. It’s all proof of how hard you train and what an amazing dancer you are. So strong babe, I love it when they’re wrapped around me while I _fuck_ you hard, love it when you hold me close while I make you _scream_.”

 

As he spoke, he slipped a finger into me and started pumping as he brought his other hand up to massage my clit.

 

I was almost out of my mind by the time he added a second finger. I gripped the sheets and squeezed my eyes shut, feeling myself nearing my climax.

 

“Please… Please Daddy, faster, oh my god yes _yes Daddy,_ I’m gonna- Please, can I-“

 

“That’s it baby, cum for Daddy.”

 

His voice sent me over the edge and I was a writhing mess, back arching and hips bucking against his hands as I rode out my high.

 

I was still panting when I opened my eyes, catching Jaebum’s eyes as he licked his fingers clean before moving back up to kiss me. He lips were more desperate against mine this time, but still full of that tenderness and softness that seemed to lace through all his touches tonight.

 

He rolled his hips against mine again and I could feel his erection straining against his pants. I reached up to wind my fingers in his hair and his lips left mine for a moment as he continued to grind down against me.

 

“Babygirl, you see what you do to me? You make Daddy so hard, you’re the only one who can make me feel like this, I love you so much, I love everything about you.”

 

I moved my hands down to his shirt, hurriedly popping the buttons one by one when I realised he was still fully dressed. He laughed lightly at my actions, slightly clumsy in my haste to rid him of his clothes.

 

“What’s the rush, baby?”

 

“I want- I need to to see you, Daddy. Need… Need to touch you…” I trailed off, cheeks reddening as my eyes scanned his bare torso.

 

Instantly, he’d flipped our positions so that I was now straddling his hips, hands resting on his toned chest for support. I felt him shiver as my fingers traced the outline of his abs. Feeling his clothed dick rub up against my ass, I rolled my hips, giggling at the expletives that left his beautiful lips as a result. I didn’t tease for long though, quickly undoing his belt and zipper and yanking his trousers down before tossing them behind me. I wasn’t even surprised to see he’d gone commando.

 

I wrapped one hand around his base and placed a chaste kiss to the head, grinning at how he almost seemed to come undone at my touch.

 

I took him into my mouth, hollowing my cheeks and bobbing my head as I sucked. I felt his eyes on me and I looked up to meet his intense gaze, knowing that he loved how I looked like this, lips stretched around him and eyes wide and innocent, although my actions were anything but. He let out a deep moan when I used tongue and teeth (lightly), just the way he liked, and I let him go with a _pop_.

 

“You’re so big, Daddy!” I exclaimed, eyes wide and head cocked to one side.

 

His eyes flashed and he growled, lifting a finger and beckoning me forward.

 

“You’re being such a good girl baby, you know Daddy so well, know me so well and you’re doing everything just the way I like it.” His voice was laced with arousal and pride, and I yelped when he reached both hands down behind me to grip my ass, “but I wasn’t done yet, tonight Daddy’s gonna take _extra_ good care of you, remember?”

 

I moaned and rolled my hips against his when he brought one hand down to slap my ass.

 

“You’re worried about stretchmarks here but baby, I don’t even care about them. You know how much Daddy loves your ass, how much I love when you wear leggings because you look _so damn good_ I can barely control myself. You know how much I love when you walk around the apartment in your underwear because you look so perfect I can barely keep my hands off your ass; off you.”

 

He kept one hand on my ass, kneading and drawing out all kinds of debauched noises from me while he brought his other hand up to brush my hair away from my face before resting it against my face, thumb brushing my cheek lightly. I leaned into his touch, sighing contentedly and almost preening at how achingly gentle he was being. Grinding down against him, I felt his throbbing erection against my slick heat and it was almost too much to handle.

 

“Daddy, please! Please _pleaseplease_.” I whimpered, mind blank and eyes brimming with tears.

 

“Please what, baby? You know you have to speak properly so that I know what you want.” He accented his words with another slap to my ass and I let out another soft mewl, dropping my head against his chest.

 

“ _Fuck me, Daddy!_ Please please I need you so bad, wanna feel you inside me. I need Daddy’s cock inside me now _nownow!_ ” I was beginning to lose coherence, tripping over my own words as my thoughts escaped without any filter.

 

He pressed his lips against the crown of my head and I looked up at him, vision slightly clouded by lust. His eyes got even darker, if that was even possible, and his voice was raw as he flipped us over, straddling my hips and cupping my face in his hands.

 

“Such dirty words coming out of that pretty little mouth, baby. Daddy’s taught you well, huh?” He pressed a quick kiss to the tip of my nose before continuing, “don’t worry babygirl, Daddy’s gonna fuck you so good tonight, but not just yet, okay? Can you be a good girl while Daddy shows you how much he loves you?”

 

I could almost feel myself glowing at his words, and I shuddered under him as I managed to squeak out, “y-yes, Daddy.”

 

_DaddylovesmeDaddylovesmeDaddylovesme_

My eyes fluttered close as he leaned down to place soft kisses on my eyelids.

 

“These shadows under your eyes? They’re proof of how hard you’ve been working, baby. How you’re putting in so much effort to chase your dreams, staying up all night to finish your assignments and then always doing so well, always top of your class. Daddy’s so proud of you, baby. Remember how you used to take such good care of me back when I was in final year? How you kept encouraging me when I was struggling with these same projects you’re dealing with now? Back when I was stressed out of my mind and so sleep deprived I’d fall asleep during movie night, and you’d hold my hands and tell me how proud you were of me. You’d kiss me and tell me how much you loved me and how I just had to continue pushing for a couple more months before I graduated. You took such good care of me then baby, now it’s my turn, okay? Don’t worry about these eyebags, you’re working so hard to achieve your dreams and I’m so _so_ proud of you.”

 

I was almost preening now, eyes watering again as I felt the love radiating off him in waves and I felt his words patch up a little tiny hole in my soul.

 

“And these moles,” he peppered kisses across my skin, on each and every single mole on my body, “all your moles form triangles, baby, and it’s so adorable! The ones on your back are even symmetrical!”

 

He moved back up, leaning over my face before placing the softest of kisses to the mark right below my left eyebrow.

 

“And this scar? Baby, I love it because it shows you’ve lived. I love it because it reminds me that you’re human, and not some angel sent down from heaven.”

 

I giggled shyly at that, but my heart swelled as he continued to caress my skin delicately, not leaving a single inch untouched. Reaching up to hook my arms around his neck, I pulled him down so his weight was on me, pressing my lips to his as I tried to convey how thankful I felt through my touch.

 

Kissing Jaebum is like nothing I’d ever experienced in my life before meeting him. It’s like being sucked under a tsunami of passion, love, heat, tenderness and aggressiveness. It’s like forgetting how to breath but not dying because he was my oxygen now. It’s like being held captive by a predator, adrenaline surging through my veins, but feeling completely safe and protected, like nothing and no one in the world could harm me when I was in his arms.

 

I felt him brush against my slit, felt the wetness spread on his skin as he groaned and looked down into my eyes.

 

“You’re so beautiful, baby. You’re _so perfect_ and you’re all I ever want, all I ever need in my life. You’ve been such a good girl, listening to Daddy tell you how much he loves you, I think it’s time for you to be rewarded, yes?”

 

I moved my hips against his again, grinning against his lips before whispering, “yes, Daddy. Fuck me now, _please!_ ”

 

He let out another guttural moan, grabbing a packet from the bedside drawer, ripping it open and rolling the condom on in one swift movement.

 

“God, baby, so polite even when your words are so _dirty_.” He pushed into me slowly, and I winced slightly at the stretch, before sighing in pleasure as he began to move.

 

He fucked me slow, and sensual, mouth attached to mine as he swallowed every single moan and mewl that escaped my lips. His fingers were interlocked with mine, pinning my arms down against the mattress so I couldn’t move. He knew I loved it like this, loved being trapped under him as he fucked into me, and I knew he loved it too. He loved being in control and watching me come apart beneath him; loved when I’d hook my legs around his hips, trying to pull him deeper into me.

 

I almost felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, I was giddy and lightheaded as he moved his lips down my jaw to my neck, biting and sucking and leaving bright crimson marks all along my collarbone. My eyes rolled back into my head as he swiped his tongue across one of the marks, I could feel every inch of him as he pressed against me, but it just wasn’t enough and I needed more _moremore._

 

“Faster, Daddy, please fuck me harder! Need you so bad, Daddy, please harder- “ I was almost begging by this point, but I lost my train of thought when he snapped his hips down into mine.

 

I couldn’t even form coherent sentences after that, simply repeating _yes Daddy_ like a mantra as Jaebum fuck _fuckfucked_ into me hard and fast, beads of sweat rolling down the side of his face and the sound of skin against skin echoing through the room. It wasn’t long before his rhythm grew sloppy and the animalistic growl that ripped from his throat as he came sent me over the edge, hips bucking to meet his and tears streaming down my face as waves of ecstasy rippled through my body.

 

I collapsed against the sheets as he swiftly removed the condom and tossed it into the bin before leaning back over me and pressing his lips lightly against mine. My eyelids were heavy as he rolled over to lie down beside me, pulling me up against him so my face was buried in his chest and he had one hand hugging me close and the other stroking my hair.

 

“You’re so good for me, baby. Daddy’s so lucky to have you, sometimes I wake up and see your beautiful face next to mine and I can’t believe you’re all mine. I love you so much, babygirl, and I know you don’t love yourself like I do, but I’ll remind you every single day until you see yourself exactly the way I see you. You’re perfect, babe, literally everything about you makes me go crazy and you’re so strong, but don’t keep these things bottled up anymore, okay? Whenever you feel like everything’s too much to handle, tell me, and I’ll help you feel better. There’s nothing more important to me than you, baby, so don’t ever be afraid to open up to me, okay? I love you, so much I can’t even express it with words.”

 

“Thank you, Daddy.” I rubbed my cheek against his chest, inhaling deeply and wrapping my arms and legs around his torso, like a koala, before whispering, “I love you.”

 

I knew he heard me, because he leaned down to press his lips to my forehead before hugging me even closer. I could feel myself slipping, and the last thing I remembered before falling asleep were his hands rubbing slow circles on my back and stroking my hair lightly.


End file.
